


leave it alone

by juunkets (recklessfishes)



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: (not canonically trans btw I just wanted this AU in my life), AU, F/M, Gen, M/M, Trans Character, probably set somewhere around BLLB but who even knows anymore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 19:58:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7120315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/recklessfishes/pseuds/juunkets
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Didn't you used to have a sister? Rose something? Long black hair, kind of tall?"</p><p>Ronan immediately shuts down. “No," he mutters over his fourth or fifth cup of coffee. "I never had a sister."</p><p>(transboy ronan AU)</p>
            </blockquote>





	leave it alone

**Author's Note:**

> mild use of a dead name/dead pronouns (it's not done maliciously)

Gansey decides that he’s going to ask. 

“It’s four in the fucking morning,” Ronan declares groggily, standing in his bedroom doorway at Monmouth. “What the hell do you want.” The question comes out more like a statement, masked in sleep and minor confusion.

“What’s with the, y’know…” Gansey tactlessly gestures towards Ronan’s bare chest, where twin scars curve just below his nipples.

Ronan laughs, a harsh sound. “Nature fucked up, man. It doesn’t mean shit unless you make it mean shit.”

Gansey’s utterly lost, but he’s not about to argue with an exhausted Ronan (or, for that matter, any Ronan at all) so he simply shrugs and moves off to his room.

***  
They’re both lying in the grass in a Cabeswater clearing. Ronan’s shirt is off, and Adam’s taking precautions so he won’t stare at his tattoo for longer than he should. Finally having exhausted his repertoire of ‘fun things to do in the grass besides sleep,’ Ronan rolls onto his side, facing Adam. Not for the first time, Adam notices the scars. 

He doesn’t say anything, of course. Adam makes a point of not being as blatantly ignorant as Gansey, even if the other boy is well intentioned. He knows exactly what those marks mean, and he’s not going to ask, because why talk about something that doesn’t need to be mentioned? Ronan’s the type of boy who’ll pick a fight over ignorance, and the last thing Adam wants to do is start a fight. He figures that if Ronan ever wants to broach the subject with him, he will.

***  
Blue doesn’t really know what to think at first when Ronan calls her. There she is one moment, sprawled across her bed, and the next moment Ronan’s ringtone fills the room with a dramatic "squash ONE squash TWO." She picks up, of course, but she’s understandably puzzled.

“Yeah?” she asks into the phone, and Ronan sighs.

“Do you think he’ll see me differently for this bullshit, if I explain it to him?” It isn’t like Ronan to sound vulnerable, but his voice has an unmistakable quality to it which Blue can really only categorize as that.

“Who, Gansey or Adam?” They both know Noah doesn’t care- he knows most everybody’s secrets, obvious or not, and is fine with every single one. 

“Both. Mostly Adam. Gansey’ll bluster his ass off, but I feel like Adam would actually have an opinion about it, if I told him.”

“You’ve been shirtless around him before, and he hasn’t commented.”

“Yeah, but that’s because he’s polite, not because he’s nonjudgemental. I need some fucking closure, Blue, will you ask him what he thinks about it?” 

Blue interprets this as 'will he hate me once he knows?'

“Of course,” Blue sighs, “because we’ve regressed back to middle school.” Still, she agrees.

“Thanks, maggot,” Ronan says, and hangs up without another word.

***  
“Adam, what do you think about Ronan?”

Adam glances at her askance, a look of confusion crossing his features. They’re both walking home together: Adam to put his stuff back at st. agnes before getting the hell over to work in the hondayota he left at home, Blue because of Ronan’s phone call.

“He’s fine, I guess. A bit of an asshole, but he cares. Why?”

“Just wondering what you thought about, well- you know.” Blue makes a vague gesture around her chest to clarify her statement. 

“Never pegged you for the transphobic type, Blue,” Adam replies, tugging a strap on his backpack.

“God, no. Never. He just never brings it up, so i wasn’t sure if you needed an explanation or anything like that.”

Adam smirks. “if anyone needs an explanation, it’s Gansey. How much d’you wanna bet he’s already been accidentally shitty about it?”

That isn't even a question. “All the money in the world.”

***  
Gansey isn't sure why Ronan's avoiding him, but he's pretty sure it has something to do with a dead family member. 

"Didn't you used to have a sister?" he'd asked that morning. "Rose something? Long black hair, kind of tall?"

Ronan had bristled and become closed off almost immediately. “No," he'd muttered over his fourth or fifth cup of coffee. "I never had a sister."

"Was she a cousin, then? I feel like there was definitely a girl in the mix at some point."

"Gansey," Ronan had exclaimed, sudden and furious, "for once in your life, will you just fuck off?"

Gansey, startled, did as he was told. 

But now, almost three hours later, Ronan hasn't been anything but civil to him. And therein lies the problem. Ronan is never civil to Gansey unless he's pissed.

He decides his best bet is to call Blue. She's good at explaining the minutia of other people's emotions to him, as well as telling him why he should just leave well enough alone sometimes. He explains the whole situation to her in hushed tones as he adds to his mini-Henrietta. As soon as he's done speaking, she lets out a disappointed breath. 

"Jesus, Gansey. you really fucked up. I'll call Ronan and talk to him about it, but holy fuck, man. You messed up big time."

"What did I do? I only wanted to know what happened to that girl."

"There wasn't a girl, Gansey." Blue sighs again. he can hear her shift on her bed a little. "Look, I'll just call him, or come over there if he doesn't pick up. Don't try to talk to him, you'll probably only make it worse."

Gansey tosses a hand up in frustration. "I still don't know what I did, Blue."

"Ronan will tell you when he's comfortable, if at all. But really, don't talk to him until I do." With that, Blue hangs up, presumably to call Ronan.

***  
“I never wanted to hear that fucking name again,” Ronan snarls. “Fucking idiot. I can't believe he’s so dense.” 

Blue nods, then realizes that can’t be seen over the phone. “Yeah. Look, he’s a white republican cis boy. There’s no way he’d know.  
He’s, like, the most oblivious person ever.”

“Still! At least Declan fucking respects my pronouns and doesn't bring it up. Gansey, though… fucking Gansey, man. You’d think he’d have looked up what the scars meant after he asked me about them at four in the fucking morning.”

Blue isn't shocked by this revelation so much as she’s embarrassed for Gansey. “Jesus, he actually asked you? God.”

Ronan just groans in response. Then he takes a deep breath, sighs. “Guess this means I have to properly come out now.”

“Not if you don't want to,” Blue replies, but Ronan just laughs. 

“Come on, I can't pass up the opportunity to tell Gansey I haven't got a Gansey. It’s the perfect dick joke.”

“Fine,” Blue says, ignoring the last comment. “Do you want anyone else to be there?” By this she means do you want Adam to be there?

Ronan huffs. “Fuck. I don't know. Do you think he’ll be shit about the whole trans thing?”

“Probably not. I talked to him the other day and if anything he certainly isn't transphobic.”

“Cool.” They lapse into silence for a few seconds before Ronan laughs. “Why am I the only LGBT representation in this group? Frankly, it's a pain in the ass.”

“I'm bi, if that counts for anything,” she informs him. “I'll come out with you if you like.” Blue figures this might help. 

Ronan probably shakes his head in response. “Nah. Then we’d get into the whole sexuality thing. I don't think I need to hear everyone else turn out to be straight.” Blue interprets this as 'I don't need more proof that Adam’s straight.'

“Okay, whatever you want. Do you want to do it at Monmouth?” She’s nonchalant as she asks, but she’s already planning on how to get everyone there at once. Including noah, who isn't consistently corporeal anymore, so she’d have to stand near him or something…

“Yep. Get Adam over here in an hour or something. I'll give the fucking speech then.”

***  
“What’s this about?” Gansey asks. They’re all gathered in the main area of Monmouth, a feat usually unattainable unless they're discussing ley lines or dead Welsh kings. He knows this is different, however, because Ronan’s holding his own wrist in a death grip and doesn't seem capable of speech. 

Finally, Ronan lets out a breath. “It’s a long fucking story, dick.”

Adam glances up from where he and Noah are attempting to play Uno. Attempting being the key word, because Noah cheats horribly. “Strategic winning,” he calls it, and it’s the reason nobody will play board games with him anymore. Noah puts down his cards, too, looking up at Ronan with a neutral expression. The room doesn't hold its breath in anticipation of Ronan’s words, but a certain kind of hush does fall over the occupants of Monmouth Manufacturing.

Gansey thinks about the situation for a moment: Ronan, looking so uncomfortable at the center of the room, trying to find a way to phrase things. He flashes back to that conversation in the kitchen, where Ronan had visibly tensed up at the mention of Rose. Gansey isn't completely sure who she is, or was, but he’s beginning to have an idea. 

Ronan shuffles his feet minutely, clears his throat. These actions would appear apprehensive coming from someone else’s body, but with Ronan they only serve to make him look tougher. “So,” he begins. “Um. I've never had a sister. I did, however, used to be called Rose.” He grimaces slightly as the name passes his lips. Before he can continue, however, Gansey interrupts him. Politely, though, with a raised hand. 

Ronan sees this and scoffs at him. “I'm not a fucking teacher, Gansey, what?” He looks about ready to explode from something, be it anger or embarrassment or something completely different.

“Sorry about the dead name thing.” Gansey’s heard the phrase from Blue a few times in reference to her genderqueer classmate. Being slightly-more-than-friends-with-and-maybe-possibly-dating Blue Sargent has its perks, especially when it comes to becoming educated on social issues. 

Ronan looks mildly shocked. “Thanks for the apology." It takes him a second to find words again. "Anyways, if the rest of you guys are good with this, I'm done. The show was mostly for Gansey.” He takes a seat next to Adam, who passes him a few cards, their fingers brushing for slightly too long in the process. 

“Well,” Blue quietly announces from Gansey’s side, “that went well.” She sounds the opposite of surprised. 

***  
Ronan’s back in Cabeswater, this time without the crowding presence of the others. Well, most of the others. Adam’s walking along beside him, as usual, touching random leaves hanging from the trees they walk by.

“So you don't have an opinion on it?” Ronan doesn't stop walking when he asks the question, doesn't even look at Adam. 

Adam shrugs. “It doesn't change anything. You're still the same asshole who won’t do his Latin homework.”

This startles a laugh out of Ronan. “True that.”

They continue along the path, purportedly looking for some ley line bullshit Gansey had announced was vitally important to their search. Ronan’s fairly certain he made it up to get them out of the way while he took Blue out for froyo. 

As they walk, Adam places his hand in Ronan’s. It’s mildly disconcerting at first. Ronan isn't sure what the hell Adam’s trying to imply, and the way Adam’s rubbing his thumb in circles against the back of Ronan’s hand is very distracting.

Finally, he snaps, “What the fuck are you doing?”

“Coming out, I guess,” Adam replies. It’s nonchalant, if nothing else, and leaves no room for the wrong interpretation. 

“Bi, right? Because of Blue?” Something is stirring in Ronan’s stomach. He refuses to acknowledge it.

“Yup,” Adam says, popping the last letter. “You’re not the only one now, I guess.”

Ronan can't decide whether to be pissed at himself for not realizing it sooner or not. Instead, he just squeezes Adam’s hand closer to his own.

**Author's Note:**

> this will probably have a sequel/another chapter or something so stay tuned.


End file.
